By
                          BootBlock/TerraForm


MODEL       : 25th Feb, 1979 - Revision 56c.
MANUFACTURER: Virginia & Peter Cox.
PRICE       : Free with "fat bastard" sized body + essentials.
              Will power not included.


EXTRA INFORMATION -

    COLOUR    : Unknown. Grey or white suspected.
    TEXTURE   : Unknown. Probably offal like.
    APPEARENCE: Similar to human intestines. Slightly spherical/elongated.

Already  came installed.  No options for upgrading, although this can be
gotten  around  via  brain-copying (although this is highly illegal, and
can   turn   you   into   Les   Dennis   if   the   copying  process  is
interupted/distrupted).   No  instructions  included, as there's no need
for them.

Automatic.  Although it tends to conk out if it isn't powered-down for a
long  enough  (8  hours on average, but can exceed 13 hours depending on
the previous night) period.

Upon  waking,  the  brain  appears  to  require  a  "warming-up"  period
(normally  30  mins  -  1  hour) and SHOULDN'T be used for anything more
taxing than remembering the name of the yellow one in the TellieTubbies.

As  yet,  the user has not really had much evidence of this existing (or
at  least there's not enough).  Upon reading/hearing something, the data
gets sent to Short Term Memory, but most of the time doesn't get sent to
Long Term Memory.

There's  a  rumour  flying  about  that  Microsoft  had  a  hand  in the
production  of  this  brain, and consequently, the brain seems to use up
far  too much space in the Long Term Memory department, and thus leaving
no  more  room  for  any additional information.  So the new information
gets shunted to the Short Term Memory area, so it only remains in memory
for 10 minutes.

There  will  be  a patch out soon, that adds additional Long Term Memory
buy using the scrotum as a storage area.  Too much fondling and the Long
Term  Memory  area will result in the data being wiped.  So it's advised
that this new area should not be used by a non-qualified nadger fondler,
and anyone with big hands.

The  brain  tends  to retain useless information in the Long Term Memory
area, and retains all the important information in the Short Term Area.

In  the  early years (upto around the age of 12+), the brain cranked-out
seriously scary nightmares for no particular reason.

Currently,  the brain seems be fond of weird dreams, and will not listen
to the user, that rude dreams are much nicer.

The  user  is trying to learn the art of Lucid Dreaming, in which he can
control  his own dreams, thus dream about poking Chlo Annett in the bum
and things.

Also,  the  brain also displays dreams in a cryptic symbolic code, which
the  user  as  yet  cannot decipher.  A "dream dictionary" may be called
upon for it's services.  For a laff, basically.

Sometimes, sexual dreams also involve touch and taste.

Most sexual dreams are quite often interupted by some stupid dream event
(like  needing  a  20  minute  piss, or someone that's about to barge in
while about to "grind away").

The  brain  seems to know when itself is going down hill or in some kind
of  state.   For  example, if a truly horrendous maimed body is seen (in
"real  life"),  then  the brain will not go into a spasm like most other
brains  do.  It'll think about the situation and try to get out of it as
calmly as possible.

When in a very relaxed state, the brain seems to cause the whole body to
jump  and scare the user stupid.  Which normally leads the user to empty
the  contents  of his intestines into his pants.  The reason for this is
unknown,  and  is a very bad experience.  Normally this is simutaneously
accompanied  by  a flash "before" the user's eyes.  Mainly of a dog in a
dark background (possibly a dark allyway) and barking once only.

It  appears to like women of the dark-haired (or "jinger") and pysically
strong type.  Oh, and they must be funny and intelligent.

The brain also tries to shag everything that has a hole.

The  brain doesn't appear to cope very well with creepy cawlies, and has
an  extreme  phobia against spiders.  Especially when the user is on the
bog  having a dump and a spider appears on the ceiling above.  Moths are
also terminated with extreme predjudice.

    Usability: 90% - Very good.
    Graphics : 95% - Very good at analysing image data. Although the
                     only way to see black blobs on walls in the dark
                     (with minimal lighting) is to look slightly to the
                     left/right of the object.
    Sound    : 93% - Can interprete sounds very well. But sometimes
                     gets  mis-understood  words mixed up with rude
                     or swear words.
    Lastability: ??% Only been in service for 18 years, so no real
                     score can be applied here.
    Overall  : 93% - Quite a nice brain.  Seems  to  cope quite badly
                     with anything maths related,  and doesn't really
                     learn anything properly that it's not interested
                     in.

end